life changes

Gah! I am hating being on maintenance... gotta say it..
too many temptations to eat not the right things.
Lots of things going on . My parents are moving to New Mexico in just a few days..
I have mixed feelings on this . I am glad they are moving for a couple of reasons . first being that I maintain my plan better when my mom is not in the kitchen. Second ... this is an opportunity for them to be home with my Grandma in her last days/months. We are praying for her to reach 100!

but I am frightened also .

My parents have always been just a few miles away... now it is a few thousand... ::sigh::

Mr. Abbott and I are doing really well since his return home and it seems his hesitation has subsided. Two years is a long time to invest in a relationship ... and I think that him being away ... really played havoc with his idea of our reationhsip.

I have gained about 5 lbs in maintenance - mostly not drinking enough water ... but still at 40 lbs weight loss. I am trying really hard NOT to beat myself up.
I got my new HCG which i will have to mix myself .. (yikes) If anyone has suggestions on this I will gladly accept them . I do injectable not spray... so .. dilemma dilemma.

Back to the taking over the parents house thing ...
(yeah I am scattered and all over the place ...)
They are only taking part of their stuff this trip... and then when they return taking the rest.
then I can get my furniture out of storage and finish making their house ... MY house.
odd.

I have started writing on my book again ... stressful I have gone through chapters to figure continuity out ... making sure everything flows.
made some corrections...

But when I get home from work i am so stinking tired... it is hard to be creative.

Is thinking I should have a housewarming party but not sure if that is correct or if I just want a party ... funny since I don't drink or anything ;)
perhaps just a gathering?

I am still here and kicking

6 years....

...42 and 45 pounds less a little difference maybe?

I have been off my plan for my birthday... had some foods that I like to enjoy...

However .... although the foods were quite good.

I really do enjoy eating healthier foods more...

With my mom and dad home I am unable to prepare my meals as per norm...

And she does NOT cook healthy meals...

not HCG healthy meals anyway

about a 4 lb weight gain total ... but mostly water weight since I have not been getting my total water intake.

Had a really good birthday and my boy and I are working on it.

This is a .... GOOD thing.

He is a lot more relaxed since he made the decision to resign from this job that has been a major stressor.

He is moving home in two to 14 days depending on if they will allow him to finish out his two weeks or want him to leave right away.

Me?

I am considering taking a different job in my current company.

They have been having prospective employees sitting with me to listen to my calls.

That is cool I love having new people at my desk.

My birthday was pretty good... had a small family party.

My sister spoiled me and got me some Mary Kay make up... (it rocks to have a sister who is a consultant) She also gave me a Willow Tree figurine called Grateful.

I love these sculptures .. i really do. They are something that I woulds buy for someone else .. but would not splurge on them for myself.

She also got me a Chris Tomlin cd and a Mercy Me CD ... this is special as we went to that concert together . I really think God used that concert to prepare me for my husband walking out on me.

Which seemed awful at the time...

but was really the best gift he could have given me.

I was completely humbled by the amount of birthday greetings that I received through my facebook account . I will never have enough time to respond to them all ...

Mr. Abbott took me to dinner at the Tournament of the Kings - a medievil jousting and ... sport thing dinner theatre. I really loved it.

He apologized for not having a gift .. but with no pay from a company you are working for ... I guess gifts really aren't that important.We took a couple of fun pictures with some guys from the Excalibur.. I had to crop this in paint so ... sorry for the sloppy quality ...

I love the look on Mr. Abbott's face... his 55 lb thinner face ...

oh well getting back on track with eating ... and water drinking .

and Getting ready to start my next protocol... I am just waiting for the HCG.

Monday Monday

So... today was my first day back at work...
after being off three weeks...
they are sure I have ulcerative colitis...

puh-uke ... i don't want it.

my stomach was in terrible pain all day today .. but I was able to live throught it.

Lived through True Blood last night too...

my mother thinks I am the devil most days I think.... she just looks at me shakes her head and sighs...
She condemns my love of vampires...
I was one of those strange children who didn't want to be a princess... I wanted to be a vampire... and chomp people...
::chomp chomp::
i wouldn't need a diet then ...

so I gained two pounds ... I think it is water weight... i haven't been drinking enough fluids... and my body thinks i need them.... ok i really do need them.
and I have been slack in taking them in.
Relationship ... still have no idea what is going on with that...

birthday in 6 days...

so...

so I gotta say I wish this song had been out when I went through my divorce.

I heard this and laughed ... and then i looked it up.. listened again .. and laughed.

My mother... bless her.

Thinks that this is wrong to think it is funny ... but she has no sense of humor.

Sometimes when you are going through the crap stuff... it is the songs likethis that get you through...

he has made other plans it seems

I am not sure where to begin really.

Things have been hard with him in SF and me here. I thought we eventually would be in the same zip code again ... that our two year relationship would move forward .

He called last night and tells me that he is not happy. That he isn't sure if it is me or his job or him.

(It's not you it's me?)

So what now?

I am reeling.

I let him in ... gave him my whole heart... and now ... two weeks before my birthday...

Happy Birthday.

I am stuck in that place when my ex husband left me.

that nowhere land that feels so desolate.
I was hoping that he would be my forever.
But I think that forever isn't real ...
and I am ... alone again.

Of course it isn't completely finalized. He will be home for my birthday. I guess he will get the rest of his things then and take them to wherever his things will go.

and then it will be happily never after ... The End!