Saturday, November 6, 2010

the adventures of frankenfoot

I was sitting here actually trying to determine what kind of sound effects my little frankenfoot would make if it could indeed make sound effects..... But, I am pretty sure that all it would say would be.... "Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww"

I think that indeed would be the only sound that it would make. Ok I don't know if you can tell how many little bruises are on that leg and foot but let me tell you there are a lot and probably more than I could count... but playing dot to dot may provide some entertainment for those who are truly bored.
Let me begin with the right side of the photo and the more prominent set of sutures . this is where the bone spur that was the bain of my existance. Apparently said spur was larger than he actually thought but I guess he thoroughly enjoyed removing it.
On the left side and the incision you can't really see... is where he had to repair my ankle from a previous break He went in and put some really cool anchors and redesigned how my ligaments and tendons are.. (and fixed them for a stronger more happy ankle)
The one on the left you can not see how it looks like he shoved a golf ball underneath the skin. very swollen and very blue and very painful. He says he will remove the sutures next week, but I am still not able to put any weight on it at all. I did get a scooter that i prop my knee on and scootch with my foot to get from recliner to bed... or bed to bathroom... or bathroom to recliner... but am on pain medication 24 hours a day.
Yesterday when he checked my foot (which is where this photo came from) he had to readjust and reposition frankenfoot. Which really just kind of torked my foot off and it has been angry ever since.
So much so I had to remove the splint on my foot and rest my foot for 24 hours waiting for the splint to be put back on. ( not sure I am looking forward to that)
Frankenfoot and I watched movies that made us bawl like a baby yesterday... we watched
toy story 3 ... and well some oldies but goodies today.
Post op I am finding EVERYTHING makes me cry. I don't know whether to chalk it up to just a funk from being shut off from life itself. No social life is really taking it's toll. I miss work... and I miss people and interacting with them.
or if this is just something that happens after surgery... and dealing with the chronic pain.
I am trying to have a good sense of humor. but have to say that tears are winning over giggles at this point in time.
Mollie Mae Malicious has been totally awesome .. she is like the lapdog I never knew i had.. she never leaves my side... and is content with just laying with me because I can't move.
I might have to change the Malicious part of her name if she keeps it up :)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

the surgery ....

I hope your Saturday is going well...

Me I am doing ...ok.. Thursday night I didn't sleep at all, my foot hurt, and I was terribly nervous about surgery.The next morning I got up and got ready. Took a shower , washed my hair, had my mom french braid it so that I didn't have hair all over the place during surgery.

Put my clothes and my boot on, and drove to the hospital, well I rode parents drove me. When we got there I was still very nervous and weepy. I have found I don't like a bunch of chatter and joking around when I am this nervous it seems to just add to the pressure of the situation.

I checked in and got my hospital wrist band, and waited to be called back.

Then my nurse Mary (pre op nurse) came and got me, I took my sister back with me (she drove down to be with me during surgery), I think my mom was upset that I wanted my sister there, but my sister totally gets the nervous thing and we are really close. I just needed her calming presence there. So the nurse came and asked me all sorts of questions .. put an ALLERGY wrist band on me, because i have drug allergies. Then I had to do a pee test.. why ? i don't know .. lol but i did . Grateful for the potty break tho- nerves do this to a girl I think. Then I changed into my patient gown and crawled on the gurney. Then she put the iv in. My sister let me squeeze her hand til it almost came off... lol.

My dad got my crutches and stuff so he would remember to take them to the car. He was pretty fascinated with the crutches .. kept making them bigger and smaller and putting them under his arms .. Then my 64 year old father with crutches under his arms picked them up and acted like they were machine guns... Just goes to show you that boys don't ever leave the man. it was hilarious we laughed quite a bit. My anesthesiologist came over said "Hi I am Ryan ... I am gonna be doing your anesthesia" But I was thinking "omg he is totally handsome and rugged looking ... yay me"

Then he asked me a bunch of questions on how I do with anesthesia .. do i get sick ... hard time waking .. those sort of things. All were yes answers. So he said he would help me the best he could so i could come out of it. My surgery was delayed because my doctor's staff had scheduled patients when he was supposed to be at the hospital . He was really mad at them, and he told me he was sorry he was late that He felt badly that he was not there for me when he promised. (he is a great doctor) Then he wrote on my foot that he would be operating on. (it tickled and he laughed) Then Maggie my surgical nurse came to get me, and wheeled me down the hall- I started crying because of nerves. The surgical halls are VERY cold . The Operating room was freezing ..and there was music " I got the rockin pneumonia and the boogey woogey flu" ... hey he listens to old rock instead of classical.. I think i like this about him. Well besides the fact he is hot .. blonde hair blue eyes. I really am lucky he is a specialist in foot reconstruction. A good doctor .. he explains EVERYTHING so i understand before he does anything. Then I scooted from one table to the next I think I said " ohh here is where I become unladylike" Ryan and my nurse laughed and said "we won't look promise.. as he undid the bows on the back of my patient gown..

He then set up my monitors and had to go underneath my gown near my breast "Sorry sweetie, I know we just met " I laughed and said no biggie, as long as this is part of me getting better it is totally fine. He put an oxygen mask on my face and told me to breathe deep .. and then well the next thing I know I was in recovery and VERY nauseated. They gave me two different drugs for the nausea but it was erally bad.

They then moved me to post op. Where my nurse Tabitha took care of me . She was super nice. I felt really bad because she had to help me with a bed pan twice but that is because they were flushing fluid through me to help me with the nausea... Have I said that Water play is a hard limit for me? Well it is.. I am not into watersports ... lol. I had some dry heaves .. (god I would rather throw up really) but after I felt better I changed into my dress (i brought it because pants would be hard to put over my surgical cast. See above picture. my leg and foot are completely swollen like 20 x the size of my other foot and leg. I have a rash on my thigh and my other leg (not sure what from probably all the medication they have floated through me. They say the swelling will go down once the foot and everything starts healing ... let's hope so I don't want a ginormous left side and a normal right side ffs.

I finally got home around like 8 pm last night i promptly went to bed and slept woke up ate some oyster crackers and had a pain pill. Then fell back asleep for three hours... woke up and nausea was gone. My mom made me some soup. I am pretty much completely incompacitated or however you spell that word.. means I can't care for myself . I have to have someone help me get to the bathroom, help me change .. everything. then someone has to put pillows under my thigh and foot I have to keep it elevated (this is supposed to help with swelling also.

I woke up this morning at 9 crutched to the living room and the recliner, when I got there I fell asleep again until 11. My mom made me a chicken pot pie ... (yum) and i had a couple crackers to help with my pain pill ( i am on a four hour schedule) So mom wakes up so that i can have them on time so I don't go completely into pain. You can never catch up with pain meds if you don't take them right.. you stay in pain. Bleh .. NO THANK YOU.

My next door neighbors brought me a get well card! I thought that was so sweet. Also she rented a redbox movie ... when they are done they bring them to me to watch. I do the same for them. We also switch off our netflixes .. lol.

Waiting for my dinner to get here... and then it will be time for another pain pill .. and I will be asleep again ..

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

3 days and counting

I am a little nervous writing this post really,
Well maybe a LOT nervous. Saw the surgeon and I am cleared for surgery FRIDAY. YIKES!!!
It all became very real.
I am excited to be able to walk with both of my feet again eventually...
Apparently heal time is 4 weeks .. maybe?
I can not do anything for two weeks AT ALL I must have complete care, which has me in a bit of a pickle. My parents can only stay for three days as they have a work contract that they can not get out of.
I have really had to rely on everything from my mom or my dad. I can not even get a glass of water for myself. It is very... humbling to say the least.
I have to have a wheelchair to go early vote :( sad about this. but I HAVE to vote and I am NOT voiting for Harry REID ... Obviously the 27 years in politics really have NOT been favorable for Nevada. So I have to choose between the worse of two evils.

It bothers me that there is NEVER a strong independent candidate. But really and truly there is just not enough support for an independent or dark horse candidacy. did i spell that right?

Anywho... my opinion only it does not reflect the opinion of readers... Sorry if you disagree.

What else .. OH my little mollie mae has been my constant companion .. very sweet and snuggly with me . I think she is aware of how bad mommy hurts :(.

I am kind of upset that .. none of my friends that said they would be able to help me are able to.
I think that you find out how people really are when you truly are desperate for their help.

Another lesson in strength and endurance for me I guess.

But I guess God would not have brought me to it ... if he isn't going to hold my hand through it.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Thursday ...

I , am in pain.
Today is really bad actually, this pain never stops ... it kind of pulsates and then at moments it extremely sharp and evil.
Yesterday I saw my doctor, the podiatrist / foot surgeon yesterday. I told him that I am feeling a little better in the fact that I am not crying non stop over the pain. That the steroid pack and the pain pills seemed to alleviate it partially, but I still can't walk or do anything. He tried to move my toes but that didn't work .. the tendon is soooo sore from the spur fraying it.
He wanted to give me a shot in my foot to see what my range of motion is.
I looked at him and just told him... " I want this thing OUT" then I paused and said "pleeeaassssee"
He looked at me and told me " I totally support that and we can set it up."
The only problem is it won't be until next week.
Next friday , I will check into the hospital and I will be not only getting the spur out but he is going to do something to help strengthen my ankle.
I would prefer tomorrow.
But, he has had a death in his family and has a funeral to go to.
The only problem is my mom will have to go home before I will be able to care for myself. This is stressful to me. For the last three weeks I have not been able to do anything for myself. I can not get a glass of water. Get in or out of a shower... anything.
I will just keep hoping that it will work out.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Happy Thursday

It is friday eve... it just means another day to me.

My life pretty much consists of perusing the internet - netflix... and tv... alot of tv...

I have discovered I watch too much TRU-tV which is beginning to dampen my belief in humanity. there are some crazy evil people out there.

So I switched to over to LifeTime ...

yeahhhh now I cry with all the sappy chick flicks.

I did see that there is a new show coming out .. on DIY TV - Vanilla Ice... is a certified contractor and will be doing some awesome home repairs.. and I have it on DVR set for tonite. yay

cheesy or not I Luh-ove him ... totally hottie .

So I thought I would pimp his show ... and play some vanilla ice ice baby

Read more about his show here it even shows a really cool video...

things are better... still just dealing .. so tired of being confined... but life goes on .. same day .. same chair !

Monday, October 11, 2010

the one where she feels sorry for herself

Gotta say I am having a pity party and YOU are invited.. So if you don't want to watch me wallow then I suggest you move on to the next blog because I am in full :sorry for myself: mode.
I am really tired of bedrest I am about to go bat shit crazy and it isn't even a funny.
I have two places to hang out the bed or the recliner. Walking between the two is excruciating. Walking to the bathroom is excruciating.

I have had friends who say they will come visit but something always comes up and I am feeling really alone. I am angry ... ANGRY at my ex for being such a selfish jerk. I loved him through all of his inconsistencies and jerk ways... and he couldn't return that... wth??? The fact I am doing this with parental help only is really chapping my ass today.

my day consists of internet ... tv... and sleep... and it is awful. I can't just get in my car and drive somewhere. ... this is a miserable experience.

The fact that the pain NEVER stops is infuriating to me right now. It hurts all of the time. it will go from just being a constant ache to sharp jagged pains that leave me sobbing. Taking a shower is a huge feat because I have to climb over the bathtub to shower . My parents put a shower chair in there but gahhh! so over it allready.

I am a shower everyday person or I feel gross. I have been managing a shower every other day with this. Not to mention that everything in my lower body feels like it has been beaten with a bat.

I am trying to stay positive... maybe use this time to finish the book i am writing - but I am beyond the limits today.

Sorry for venting ... but I don't have ANYONE in my life that is available to me..
I can't believe how alone this feels...
and Don Abbott I hate you! I hate you hate you hate you for being a cowardly lying shit.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010



Right now I have nothing BUT time on my hands.

I will explain... and then explain some more...

On Saturday, I noticed a little ache in my foot.
Nothing major - just an ache. When I walked it was a little sore. I didn't think much about it, went to bed, and figured that I would wake up and it would be better.

Wrong! It was worse.

Here we are trying to move furniture in and out of my house and I am now unable to even assist. Other than to oil the furniture that is moving in .

By Monday , I fully can not walk or stand, that is how painful it has become. I drive myself to the Emergency Room where they take X-rays and tell me .. not broken ... here is some percocet ... rest your foot. Can I say that percocet ... just makes you sleep... and then when you have pain .. you wake up for a brief moment to enjoy the pain ... and then fall back asleep.I woke up this morning and I have had it. I have cussed my foot out several times - advising it to get with the program and stop hurting so I can get on with life... there is stuff to do and work to be done.

However my left foot apparently has a mind of it's own and chooses to not submit to my attempt at commanding some respect out of it.

I called my chiropractor's office and asked if they knew a specialist . My friend Tracie said no , but she would look through the list on my insurance website and she would try to get me an appointment. She called me back and had an appointment for me at 230 *thank God* .

My dad drove me to the appointment and helped me get into the office - i am not so good on crutches... Where I met with the nicest Doctor. He seemed a little puzzled by my symptoms and thought at first I had gout. To be honest , I thought he was just going to give me a shot in my foot and be done with me ...

But he marked my foot where it hurts, then sent me to the torture chamber... I mean xray.

I sobbed through the whole thing ... so painful. I was sat in another room and waited-

where the doctor said these things while looking at my xray...
"Well ... that's not good"
"hey look at that she has an extra bone in her foot" (yay me?)
and "ohhhhh BUMMER no wonder she is in so much pain"

ok two out of the three freaked me out and not the one you would think about me having an extra bone... I am totally cool with being a freak of nature... just sayin...

So doctor comes in sits down and has "the look" the one that says your foot is fucked up.But he is more eloquent than that and says... "look ... you have every right to be in pain right now... don't let anyone tell you that you are being a baby... you have a bone spur on the top of your foot that is rubbing against your tendon and fraying it. Basically it is threatening to sever your tendon . which is why you are having SO much pain." I just sat there with my jaw agape. He continued with " we are going to try to get the swelling and the pain down to a minimum. Your life for the next two weeks consists of ... ice on 30 minutes ... ice off 30 minutes, you need to buy some books, rent some movies and plan to fall asleep from boredome.... alot.

You are on complete bed rest... Keep the foot up immobilized and that is your life - I will decide in two weeks if you are able to have surgery. Which is the only thing that is going to help you"I tried to comprehend all that he was saying but honestly i just heard :blah blah blah... bedrest.... blah blah blah surgery:Granted I have done more crying in three days than i have ever done in my life. These pains will come out of nowhere and just control my whole world. I can't think ... eat ... sleep.. think... anything when they happen. It is almost like having hard labor in my foot.

but he says that sleep is the body's way of healing itself. Which is what they tell you with HCG too right?

I am off HCG until after surgery.

He has put me on steroids to try and shrink the swelling in my foot.
I will keep you posted as to what is going on... let's hope there is no weight gain with the steroid use..

How's your world?