Not The Skinny Sister...

So obviously... I am not a skinny bitch.

and I am really not a bitch at all... but definitely not skinny.

It has been an uphill battle for a very long time, and I have actually made the decision to shed this prison that i am trapped in. Granted it is a prison that I created myself... and it is one that will kill me if I do not do something about it and soon.

How did it all start? (Or how people who don't get it would say... "how could you let your body get so out of control")

Good question... and a warranted one. It began with bad relationships really. Being unhappy I began to look for a way to comfort myself. In a sense I was doing my best to build a wall around my emotions. My ex husband would cheat , and I wasn't on antidepressants but there was always some kind of comfort food that would anesthetize (sp) my aching heart, or bruised body.

No it is not a good excuse... and I am no longer trying to justify the why and how of my obesity. I just know that I am finally in a good place and I really want to make a change.

What Change are you really making?

Well that is also a good question ... I joined a gym.. Planet Fitness. They have a judgement free zone, and I feel comfortable trekking on the treadmill . I am working up my courage to try the other machines and to work with one of the trainers.

I also am starting Yoga and Turbo Jam again. I have had good results with these. But did not have a very good support system previously. I do now. Support is very important for anyone who is making a drastic lifestyle change. It also is very important to have support when you are an addict. Just like any drug addict or alcoholic... food additcts need support.

So I am here to journal and receive support... if you are not supportive or can not leave encouraging remarks then please find the red X at the top of your browser page and have a happy life.

I am very aware of society's view of fat people and how they treat people who do not fit the hollywood norm. I also feel the stares or the looks of disgust from people who don't really care for "fat people" . I feel that I am overlooked for jobs that I am qualified for because of my weight.

I think the most hateful moment I have had is when I was trying to rescue these three dogs running in the street, these four teenagers turned the corner and one of them a male looked at me and said "hey fat bitch you want a little tickle?"

Typically I have a very good sense of humor... but that just sent me into rivers of tears.

I have considered gastric bypass or the lap band procedure... but my insurance plan does not cover anything for weight loss.

I guess they would much rather pay for my triple bypass or you know ... let the life insurance pay for my burial. Makes no sense.

So I have decided to do the Hcg diet.

I have been doing research and find that this is probably the quickest way to lose a lot of weight while still being healthy.

I have made my appointment and now I am totally feeling a little nervous... I am not a fan of shots... but this diet requires an injection EVERY DAY.

eff me!